I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
