Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
