you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
