When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
