I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
