So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
