guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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