Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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