just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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