he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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