he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
