the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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