a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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