on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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