marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize