I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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