I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
