smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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