Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
