I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
