Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found the puke drawer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
