If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
