tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
