That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
