I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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