So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
