Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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