AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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