yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize