Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
