New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
