The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
