She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
