If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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