One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
