May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
