There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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