Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
