No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
