you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
