I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
