And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
