I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
