idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
