matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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