So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
