You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
