Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
