Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
