I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
