She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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