you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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