there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
