I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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