she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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