I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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