dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
