one might say we're banned from that church
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was like eating out sand paper
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
