WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
