he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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