You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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