he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't notice because vodka
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Congratulations! We have a period
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