Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
