By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
