So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
