she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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