Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize