After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize