There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
