why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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