Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize