You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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