And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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