I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize